Now that the Alberta Legislature’s passed Bill 44, I’m going to download a Duelling Banjos ringtone for my cellphone. That way, when I’m traveling in British Columbia later this week, folks’ll know where I’m from every time my phone rings!
One expects, however, that a lot of Albertans travelling elsewhere in Canada will adopt the opposite strategy. I think of this as the “American Approach,” as in stitching a Canadian flag on your knapsack and pretending you’re from somewhere more enlightened … say, the back woods of New Brunswick or rustbelt Ontario. “Uh, like, I’m from … Oshawa! You know, near Owen Sound… Thanks for asking…”
Seriously, folks, this may be embarrassing, but it’s going to get worse. It’s only a matter of time before Ed Stelmach’s comedic hickocracy puts someone on trial for having too much edumucation and teaching evolution to children. (Which is, as my Sunday School teacher admonished and Honest Ed knows in his heart to be true, nothing more than “Devil-ution!) Or, even worse, tells the kids about condominiums!
What’s got into these guys, you wonder? Personally, I think it’s simple, small-minded malice. Forced by those bad old federal courts to recognize the basic human rights of gay people, they got their revenge by embedding this little ignorance bomb in the relevant piece of legislation. Enlighten me? I’ll show you!
Well, they did show us! And it plays to their base to boot!
Who could ask for more? Well, now that they’ve sorted out the uppity schoolteachers, if they could just come up with a juicily ironic way to get at the college perfessers, the place would be pretty well perfect.
Welcome to Alabamberta!