TO: Assistant Deputy Chief, Premier’s Communications Braintrust
RE: Election of majority New Democratic government by Nova Scotia voters
Hey, Big Guy, how ya doin’? I notice that those crazy Nova Scotians have gone and elected a New Democratic Party government, and one with a solid majority no less. What a bunch of kooks. Can you imagine? They actually fell for the goofy idea you’re more likely to have a balanced budget with a bunch of tax and spend socialists at the helm than good sensible Conservatives like us and Rod MacDonald! Where the hell would they get an idea like that, anyway? I mean, other than those New Democratic governments they used to have in British Columbia and Saskatchewan. Thank God and the Calgary oilpatch they’re gone, eh?
Balanced budgets. I mean! Really! It’s impossible, as we keeep telling people. Then more jobs, of course. Plus fair labour laws. The next thing you know, they’re going to let blueberry pickers join unions, and civilization as we know it will come to an end!
Speaking of British Columbia, remember that email I sent you last month, asking about that nice news release your boss wrote when Gordon Campbell, the Social Credit premier of British Columbia, was re-elected. You’ll recall how I wondered if your boss would have written the same sort of thing if that Carole James the Knee-Dipper had won. You said you don’t deal in hypotheticals, remember?
Well, yikes! Now the hypothetical’s upon us! I know your boss won’t want to say anything – he’ll probably tell you it’s too far away, and they’re just a bunch of Stalinists – whoops, sorry! – anyway. And, like, no doubt this is sure to mean a big increase in the price of apples and blueberries, eh? But, still, I think it would look better, more graceful like, if you said something congratulatory, dontcha think?
I know you’re really busy these days, planning the government’s next branding masterstrokes and telling members of the Legislative Press Gallery to f**k off and everything, so I thought I’d help out and write you up a release for tomorrow. I was in a bit of a hurry myself, so I used your Gordon Campbell release as a template. Hope you don’t mind.
Hey, I’m looking forward to seeing “my” work on the government Website tomorrow.
All the best,
June 10, 2009
Premier Stelmach congratulates
Gordon Campbell Darrell Dexter on election victory
Edmonton… Premier Ed Stelmach offered his congratulations to
British Columbia Nova Scotia Premier-elect Gordon Campbell Darrell Dexter, whose B.C. Liberal New Democratic P party won a third decisive majority government victory on May 13 June 9.
“I look forward to
continuing to working with Premier-elect Campbell Dexter on building the New West Canada,” said Premier Stelmach. “His re-election ensures that we can continue to reduce trade and labour barriers between Alberta and B.C., a policy that has set the example for the rest of the country. And we can continue to address other areas of mutual interest, such as safer communities, the environment and the challenges facing the forest industry.”
Premier Stelmach noted that Premier-elect
Campbell Dexter is the first B.C. Nova Scotia premier in a quarter century history to win form three straight majority an NDP government s in Atlantic Canada.
Campbell Dexter provided offered the economic stability B.C. Nova Scotia need eds during these difficult economic times. His personal drive and commitment to address the issues that matter to the people of British Columbia Nova Scotia, making difficult but necessary decisions in the process, has been rewarded with a solid vote of confidence and a majority government by the people of B.C. Nova Scotia.”