This is Alberta, and you’d not only better watch what you don’t say, you’d better be careful about who you don’t say it to!
Right now, for example, NDP Leader Brian Mason is in a heap o’ trouble, owing to what he didn’t say to Premier Ed Stelmach.
So you can see how that started what we know today as the “Manuregate Scandal.”
See, Premier Ed was right peeved about the slur on his beloved Farm Community that Little Bus Driver Brian didn’t make, so he shot right back at Brian for being a bus driver, which he was once, actually.
Mason, you and all the other bus drivers with your crappy grey polyester uniforms (which aren’t half as nice as my $2,000 blue Armani suit, the one I wore on TV) had better watch your big fat bus driver asses! There’s no list of bus drivers, and you’re not on it!
Plus, if you can’t trust Nurse Fritzie, who can you trust?
But I’m sorry I said you were a bus driver. Even though you are. I’m sorry to all the other bus drivers, I mean. Not you, though. I apologize, alright. But, really, what the hell did you expect? After all, you said I have cow poop all over my boots, you little twerp! Or you didn’t. What’s the difference, anyway?
Ed, as it turns out, is the bull elephant of Canadian politicians, only shorter and not so majestic: he never forgets a slight, even if you didn’t make it.
So when Mr. Mason didn’t say the Preem had manure all over his boots and what’s more didn’t say he was tracking it all over the nice thick carpets down at the Legislature, Mr. Stelmach didn’t forget it. Ever. He wouldn’t have forgotten even if he wasn’t uber-cranky because he’s so deep in pollster manure that he has to be defended by the likes of Ted Morton and Jim Dinning. I mean, Cripes on a crutch! That must sting. What’s next? Letters of support from Danielle Smith?
So who the hell did say Eddie had manure on his clodhoppers? Well that’s just it. It was a reporter. And not just any reporter! It was a reporter that Mason talked to! And what did Mason actually say – I warn you, this is pretty shocking… cover your children’s ears. He said, and I’m sorry I had to repeat this: “I think there’s a real question now about whether Mr. Stelmach understands big cities. … Alberta is a modern, very urban, sophisticated province and I don’t think that’s reflected in the makeup of this government.”
Holy, er, shit! This is strong stuff, I know, but if you don’t believe me, you can see it for yourself, published by the Canadian Press on Dec. 28, 2006.
Then that CP reporter went and got inspired by that offensive stuff and wrote this: “Alberta’s new cabinet is so rural and so grassroots you can almost smell the manure on their boots.”
Also, there was Dave Taylor, the Liberal, at least then he was, and another damn reporter, or something similar…. He was sitting in the same room as Mason when he said… “Mr. Speaker. … Again to the Premier, and I promise that if he doesn’t make fun of my old career, I won’t make fun of his although, I suppose, both can involve shovelling some manure.”
So there you have it. The explanation for Manuregate! And why Mason’s at the centre of it. Clear as … mud.
Hey! There’s no two-year pay freeze, and you’re not going to have to take it!