The things you come across when you troll the Calgary Herald for fashion tips from Danielle Smith.
Here’s a headline from the March 25 edition of the Herald’s Swerve Magazine: “Real Men Wear Bow Ties.”
Looks like the boys at the Bunker – or not the boys, actually, seeing as the author of this piece is someone named Meghan Jessiman, assistant editor of the publication – have been doing a little trolling themselves through the Herald’s digitized morgue.
Here’s a lead from an excellent story in the Aug. 28, 1990, edition of the same Calgary Herald – the “D” Section, I’m sorry to report. “It takes a real man to wear a bow-tie.”
The author of this obviously deathless observation, you ask? One David Climenhaga.
His account went on: “…C’mon, any sissy can strap on a long tie or wear no tie at all. Try walking into a room full of grease monkeys in stained coveralls and asking directions to the foreman’s office, or trying to get a recalcitrant big city taxi driver to extinguish his cigar – if you’re wearing a nice polka-dot bow-tie, they’ll know right off who’s boss.”
I just need to make the point here that the original piece got several things right that the pale imitation did not tie up neatly with a pretty paisley bow. For example:
NOW: “What’s the secret to tying a bow tie? I wish I could tell you, but I’m a terrible teacher. It took me about three months to learn from YouTube videos…”
THEN: “Nonsense. If you can tie your shoes, you can tie a bow-tie. … Plus, you never, never have to worry about whether the end should be above or below your belt.”
THEN: “This one is spread by people who recognize that it is axiomatic that men in bow-ties are Real Men, but can’t tie one. … You can honorably wear a clip-on bow-tie if you’re a policeman on duty, are under seven years of age or are missing three or more fingers.”
NOW: “Anyone can rock the bow tie.”
THEN: “Isn’t a man in a bow-tie saying, ‘I can get my soup to my mouth without spilling’? Ask yourself, what could be more confident? (Answer: a man in a bow-tie with a moustache.)”
I’m sincerely sorry that I can’t provide you with a link to this whole brilliant piece, but, like, it was written so long ago that nothing was digitized, not even the fingers you need to tie a bow-tie, if you can believe it! But, look, if this comparison doesn’t chart the decline of the media over the past two decades, I don’t know what the heck does!”
Oh well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery – that and linking to your blog posts, for which you also don’t get paid by the Calgary Herald.
OK, enough fashion tips from Yours Truly. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, fashion tips from the Wildrose Alliance leader.
“At 39, Danielle Smith is the leader of a provincial political party,” chirped the Herald, just this week. “Before long she intends to be the Premier of Alberta. Everyone who knows her takes this ambition seriously. After all, her party polls equally to the Conservatives who have been in power since 1971. She remains the only serious threat to the status quo in Alberta and she has arrived at centre stage seemingly out of nowhere.
“Marlaina Danielle Smith, named eponymously after a Frankie Valli song, was born on April 1, 1971, in the Grace Hospital, Calgary Alberta.” (Author’s note: I am not making this up!) “Forgo the simple observation on date of birth and take note. Ms. Smith was born in the same year the Conservatives came to power in Alberta. The temptation is to claim she has been running against them literally all her life.”
Words actually fail me! On April Fools Day, and in a now privatized hospital!
Words did not fail the Herald’s many anonymous commenters, which only goes to show that there are just some things one oughtn’t to share with readers, like your blogger’s bow-ties and the putative future Alberta premier’s little black frock by David Meister.
For those of you still stuck in the un-chic and un-directional reality-based community, please note that recent polls continue to show the Progressive Conservative Party of Alberta leading the Wildrose Alliance by a comfortable margin.