Message to Canada’s media: OK guys, you can stop campaigning for that Romney guy now …

Romney Defeats Obama! U.S. President Barack Obama – perhaps not exactly as illustrated – holds up a copy of the Toronto Globe and Mail after his election victory last night. Or something like that.

Maybe they just missed it that we don’t get a vote.

Most Canadians don’t get to vote, that is, in the U.S. presidential election.

How else can we explain the Canadian mainstream media’s relentless campaign leading up to yesterday’s U.S. presidential vote to get Canadians to cast their nonexistent ballots for Willard “Mittens” Romney, the Republican candidate?

In case you missed it, President Barack Obama defeated Mr. Romney in that presidential contest last night, saving it from going down in history the U.S. pestilential election.

“Is U.S. polling guru Nate Silver going to have egg on his face?” the Globe and Mail asked plaintively as the minutes ticked down to decision time south of the Medicine Line, which thanks to Mr. Obama’s re-election still has some form of medicine for most of the 99%. Since the polling guru in question had bet on an Obama win, the answer to that poser in a Globe headline was, uh, sorry, no egg…

“Why Obama doesn’t deserve to win,” Globe columnist Margaret Wente, one of those double-overhead-camshaft Canadian Americans who get to vote down there, schooled us in a particularly dimwitted column three days ago in which she quoted “my friend Jim.” (That is, her friend Jim, not mine, who being a union rep I’m pretty sure would have voted for Obama. Also, my friend Jim actually exists and I can prove it!)

“Obama is, in fact, a lefty, and given a free hand we really would become a debt-laden, sinking, entitlement-heavy, socialist basket case,” said “Jim,” according to Ms. Wente, and let me remind readers that it’s not nice to refer to him as her “imaginary friend.”

Indeed, the Globe’s horserace analysis with barely a mention of that Electoral College thingy got so bad that I tried to make it go away by repeatedly opening stories so Canada’s National Website would tell me I’d used up my monthly quota and blissfully lock me out. It did. Tell me that it had, that is. But it kept letting me open the stories. What’s with that? I have no willpower. Can’t someone make it go away?

The CBC – which members of Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s Neo-Liberal Party of Canada love to hate – was nevertheless almost as bad, with Cross Country Right-Wing Trash Talk Radio with Rex Murphy spending Sunday afternoon getting his brother’s yahoo buddy to explain to us for painfully endless minutes why we’d be smart to vote for Mr. Romney … even though, like we mentioned, most of us don’t have a vote.

Well, at least with the radio if you get sick of the Canadian media explaining why you should support the Republicans’ sales closer – which the New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz nicely summarized as “zero tolerance toward disaster relief combined with a more easygoing attitude about rape” – you can push the button and listen to golden oldies or something!

Of course, the usual suspects over at Sun News Network wore their hearts on their sleeves all week, like the delightful Ezra “When Poll’s Unspun, it Looks Like Romney Won” Levant. Last night Mr. Levant was moaning less poetically about the End of America, but have faith, he’ll get over it when President Obama ethically OKs the Keystone XL Pipeline to Texas.

I hate to say it, but the National Pest, founded by Lord Tubby Black himself to turn us all into little Americans back in the day before he had his moment on the bumpy road to Damascus or Coleman or wherever it was and proclaimed himself “an unambiguous leftist in justice,” actually covered the run-up to the election more like a grownup media operation.

You get the picture, and if you’re anything like me, you haven’t been able to tune it out for days.

Now, presumably, the Canadian media will turn to close analysis of the popular vote down south, and explain to us that President Obama doesn’t really have a mandate, so we’d better get that Northern Gateway opened right quick and that 31-year sovereignty association deal with the People’s Capitalistic Republic of China signed off by the weekend. (If Mr. Romney had won with a similar popular vote, they would have told us to “get over it.”)

Indeed, the trendsetting Lord Black – taking a short break from asserting the doubtful proposition that “no reader could possibly be more bored with the subject of my late legal travails than I” – was beginning the exploration of this very theme last evening.

You can’t bring on those paywalls fast enough, if you ask me!

Meanwhile, about that American election? Thank God for small favours!

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6 Comments on "Message to Canada’s media: OK guys, you can stop campaigning for that Romney guy now …"

  1. So in this imaginary media land of yours the Toronto Star does not exit? Nothing about the French language media?

    That National Post article was quite informative about who Canadians would vote for. I was kind of surprised that French speaking Romney wasn’t more popular in Quebec.

    For what it is worth. In places where Canadians live in the US in large numbers, Democrats were elected to the house of representatives.

  2. Lou says:

    Thank you for this!

  3. Bruce says:

    The mainstream media has become nothing more than spin, dogma and outright propaganda. Seems to me someone said that the difference between a democracy and dictatorship is that you’re not sure who’s telling the truth. Or something like that.

    But today, everything is utterly predictable. I was surprised to hear Peter Mansbridge raise the issue of lying in campaigns later in the evening and how candidates just stick to the story. That’s the only remark I heard that was insightful throughout the evening. Everything else was just bland sports commentary. Adults, competing like children to be the first to tell the big story.

    I think everything on the mainstream is over analysed and delivered at the volume of a sonic boom in your living room. There’s just a hollow feeling inside when ‘T-Rex’ Murphy comes on to wag his finger and scowl, as if he has any more knowledge about things than the next man. He just knows what the ruling classes expect and what side is buttered for him.

    As for Wente and her imaginary journalism, well, I suspect she knows where the bodies are buried. Canadian MSM has become a sad joke, like Donald Trump, only they seem to be more vain and insecure about what the Americans think of us.

    As for paying for the Globe and Post online. No thanks, I’ve seen enough and it’s just not worth it. Even if it’s free.

  4. Filostrato says:

    It was pretty interesting to see that Nate Silver called every one of the presidential, senatorial, congressional and gubernatorial (I love that word) races – every damn one. Geeks rule – again!

    I watched about fifteen minutes of the CBC coverage, saw which way the wind was blowing and turned it off.

    Small favours, indeed. It left me with a slightly uneasy, sick feeling, like hearing that a criminal had been convicted of manslaughter when he should have been done for murder, but at least he hadn’t been let off the hook altogether.

    Compare this to the massively uneasy, very sick feeling when the results of Canada’s last election were announced, dribble by dribble.

    Some good stuff on the BuzzFlash blog yesterday, before the results were known – a video of captioned photos entitled Bush in Wonderland: America’s Years in Perdition.

    Parental advisory: some of the images are a little on the rude side.

    Of the non-rude variety, one says “Being a Bush means never having to say you’re sorry.”

    Another has a picture of Nixon, both hands upheld in the “Double Victory” mode, saying, “I am not a crook….by today’s standards.”

    That about sums it up – everywhere.

  5. ronmac says:

    If those stories are true it seems Obama was heavy into the weed during his high school days (or at least was a regular user). Which is ok, I guess…you can always point to Obama, and say, see mom, smoking dope is not that bad…look at Obama, he smoked dope and now he’s President.

    On a more serious note maybe the real division in the United States may between dope smokers (or ex-dope smokers) and that army of current day coke heads inhabiting Wall Street that has been driving capitalism into hyper-drive the last decade.

  6. Tom Fuller says:

    An interesting take on the Canadian media’s relentless spinning of US neo-liberal nonsense. I especially noticed the reference to Rex Murphy’s disgraceful and self-indulgent blathering on CBC radio this last Sunday. What I found most amusing in that show was his “interview” (actually a mutual wank-fest) with Derek Burney.

    After the latter talked about our efforts to “cooperate” with the Yanks on global initiatives, Rexie-boy volunteered that Afghanistan was a prime example, and DB added Libya as a further manifestation of the “extra-special relationship” (Take that, Tony Blair!). Then, in what for me was the high point of my listening day, Burney added “and after all, it’s not as though Canada has any vital national interest in either of those places.”

    So call up the vets coming home minus an arm, a leg, or a face, and tell them that their sacrifice was in all in a good cause: the Keystone XL pipeline. Then email the families of the Libyans and Afghans that were F-18ed into a proper appreciation of democratic principles so that the Windsor-Detroit bridge could get an upgrade.

    These guys have never had any shame, so they aren’t really that good at hiding their real priorities.


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